Struggle continues, or courageous and tender April

So here we are. 7th "surviving" month in Turkey.
Difficult to describe it, coz it was full of extremely opposite feelings and emotions - from totally happy to totally miserable. I have to admit that beginning of April became one of the most challenging moments in Turkey - no job, no house, no money and you are in a foreign country. It's tought me a lot...But luckily this state contiued only 1 day, so i felt it and moved on.
I donno how to describe this month clearly coz  my whole situation is totally not clear and the main thing that everything in my head turned upside down. I lost the sense, I lost my goal, I lost my dream...
Maybe I have to take a break and start to analyse and to medidate I donno, but I have to find it again, I have to know what I am striving for, what I am fighting for..
Except of this fact my behavior is also changing, I m changing and sometimes I surprise myself.
But except of those undescribable feelings I have something really wonderful to remember about this month. I am growing up (and not only about my age, I am 24 this month=), but also about my decisions in relationship with people. Finally I am overcoming the fear of opening myself to a person, I feel myself so different and I feel trust and hope. I stoped thinking "What if not". I started to think "What if YES" and just living this. It helps to be strong in the moments you are really wanna give up.
About the events this month:
- new home, new area, new flatmate - i m not enjoying the area, but I like my new flat and flatemate
- lots of new appointments and people
- my favourire thing - riding a bicycle and having fun in the zoo :)
- my wonderful birthday with awesome people
- seaside peace in Mudanya
- Istanbul adventures

And of course the lessons of this month
- open your heart to the world and to the people
- forget all the reasons why it wont work and belive only one why it will
- never give up, life is just testing you, choosing a right way
- appreciate and be thankful for everything people do for you
- everybody needs care
- choose your friends around very carefully, trust people but dont let them hurt you.

That was April, my favourite month and small anniversary. With love and hope in my heart I m moving to May...